


Proximity

by raja815



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Minimalism, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2014-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-11 17:47:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1176030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raja815/pseuds/raja815
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Such close proximity is a difficult thing to ask of a touch telepath struggling with emotional repression.  For Spock even positive emotion is something to be ashamed of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Proximity

**Author's Note:**

> Part of a challenge with [colonel_bastard](http://archiveofourown.org/users/colonel_bastard): prompt "this bed is too small" with a 500 word limit. Her fic will be up soon, link to follow. 
> 
> I've had the scenario in my mind for awhile, absent of any real details, so I used this prompt to get it out and it sort of became an exercise in minimalism and understatement. It's puposefully very stark and bare-bones, which is different than what I usually do, and I actually ended up pretty... well, not happy with the result, but at least interested in the result.

On a planet that abhors excess, in a drafty cabin with an inadequate fire, captain and first officer seek refuge in a bed so small it presses them together no matter how they lie. Kirk jokes about four-star accommodations for visiting diplomats. Spock doesn't answer. Kirk doesn't mind; Mr. Spock is in one of his contemplative moods.

Or so Kirk thinks until several hours later, when he feels Spock shifting in bed beside him. Kirk looks over, concerned, but Spock is still. Kirk watches a while longer, almost decides he imagined it… and then Spock moves again. 

Trembles, in fact.

“Spock?" Kirk murmurs, worried. Spock jolts at the sound. “Is everything all right?"

Absolute silence. Kirk can hear the crackling of the fire, but cannot hear so much as a breath from Spock.

"Spock?"

And then Spock's choked, harsh whisper. 

“…No.” 

"What's the matter?" Kirk asks, worry sharpening. "Are you too cold?"

Spock does not respond, but Kirk can feel his fingers desperately clutching the mattress.

"Please," Kirk begs. "What is it? Tell me.”

He is quiet so long that Kirk fears he will not, and when the answer does come it is entire unexpected.

"...Your proximity," Spock says, halting and weak.

Kirk winces. He should never have asked this of him, intruded on Spock’s privacy like this.

"I'm so sorry. Stay here where it's warm, I'll be fine by the fire…” 

"No," Spock gasps, clipped, thick with shame, his voice so soft Kirk almost doesn't hear. 

But he does. He does hear. 

And he understands. 

The closeness. The warmth. Their bodies, pressed together in the single, narrow bed. Spock’s trembling and his shame.

_Your proximity._

“Oh,” Kirk breathes.

"I am sorry," Spock whispers, voice so fragile it could break, and when Kirk looks at him he looks away.

Kirk’s heart aches. He wants to hold him in his arms and whisper, _oh Spock, it's all right,_ but he can't. He knows Spock well enough to realize that, for Spock, it isn't all right. For Spock, who pays for even the slightest display of emotion with days of stoic distance; who once told Kirk, with tears in his eyes, _when I feel friendship for you I am ashamed_ ; there can be no comfort. For Spock even positive emotion, even love, is something to be ashamed of, and Kirk cannot bear to shame him further.

Desperate, Kirk acts on pure instinct. He reaches over and brushes his hand, very gently, against Spock’s shoulder.

“Please,” he whispers. “Please. Don’t be sorry.”

Kirk strokes the blue tunic with one outstretched finger and tries to pull away. But Spock's hand flies up, trapping Kirk's palm, pressing so hard his knuckles crack. Kirk is surprised, frightened for Spock, whose pulse races so fast against Kirk’s it almost hums, but he holds his ground.

“Don’t be sorry,” Kirk repeats.

And to Kirk's amazement, very slowly, Spock’s shaking begins to ebb. Even when it has stopped, Spock does not take his hand away from Kirk's.


End file.
